Return To Rest

Return To Rest

Psalm 116:7 Return to rest, my soul, 

    For the Lord has been good to you. 

How hard it is to let yourself rest.

Constantly I feel the need to be doing, to be striving, to be achieving. As a ‘creative’ type I don’t work a typical 9-5 job. I can’t. It’s soul crushing for me. The flip side is I work as a freelancer and a lot of freelance work feels a lot more like just plain free work. Sometimes I don’t get paid what I should get paid because I’m a bleeding heart. I don’t try to run everything I do as a business because I don’t want to run a business, I just want to be creative and create. Then I get stressed out because I still manage to have bills to pay, but feel like any job that’s not in my creative field is therefore not worthy of my time.  Then I have to ask myself if I’m being prideful. Which turns into asking if I should go get a job? Or am I waiting on the Lord to bring me the work that I know He is capable of bringing me, because I know He has done it before?

Before I know it I’ve let my mind run away with fear and thoughts of things that haven’t happened yet. Stop. I tell myself. Relax. Take a breathe. This is not a heavenly mindset. This is not the way God speaks to me. What’s my mantra? Rejoice, pray, and give thanks in all circumstances. Slowly the fear subsides. It melts away at the edges. Then I begin to feel it entering my inner being. Rejoice. Pray. Give Thanks. Those are all things I can do. I open my Bible to read the Psalms and I come across Psalm 116:7 Return to rest, my soul, For the Lord has been good to you. There it is. The verse that speaks to me more than any other verse in this moment today. Return to rest, my soul. I speak that out loud over myself a few times. Return to rest. Return to rest. Return to rest. Why? Because the Lord has been good to you. It’s true, He has. I’m here aren’t I? I’m not dead. I have the blessings of family and friends. I have passions and desires and dreams. Some of them I’ve even seen come true in the past year. Others I’m still yearning for. I’ve experienced phenomenal blessings from God. I’ve received gifts that I absolutely don’t deserve. The Lord has been good to me. He has been gracious with me. He has been gentle with me. Patient with me. Loving with me. He’s been a lot of things with me.

I feel like I can breathe now. My heart seems to have relaxed a bit. I feel less tense. I look back down at the verse and begin repeating it to myself some more. This time with the intention to memorize it because I know I’m gonna need this verse again. As I’m pondering over this Psalm I hear another thought enter my mind. An object at rest stays at rest, unless acted upon by an outside force.

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