Im just gonna continue with my last blog post. Basically continuing with how God got me from last year to this year. And let me tell you it’s been awesome.
After Texas, I landed a gig at a local news station. It was a pretty big market city so it was kind of cool to know I’d working at the top rated news station in the city. That was until my first day of work. Anyone who has ever worked in news will tell you that they work the weirdest hours. In order to be on the air at 5 am news people get to work at like midnight, 2am, or 3:30 am. It’s stupid early and you have to plan your sleep accordingly. Now I paid my way through college working as a server at Ihop on the night shift so overnight working wasn’t that weird for me. What I didn’t love though was the feeling I got on my first day of work. Something in my gut told me I wasn’t going to last long. I tried to ignore the feeling and tell myself I was just being a baby. I wasn’t giving it a fair shot, I needed to give it more time and to work at it and it would get better. But no matter what, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that this was not the place for me. My biggest struggle was dealing with the fact that I felt like God had opened up this door. After all, I wasn’t even qualified to be in the position technically. There were much better interviewees I’m sure, but maybe my curly hair or my can do attitude is what really stuck with my boss. Who knows.
Either way, after convincing myself I needed to give it a fair shake I laced up my boot straps and got to work. I’ll be honest. I hated it. I didn’t care for it. I was very enthusiastic at first. I told myself this would be a great opportunity to work locally, maybe grab a chance to show some people my ability and potential as a camera operator. I’m creative, maybe I could write and pitch stories. Who knows, the possibilities are endless. This will be a stepping stone and I can get upgraded to some big opportunity here. After about my first month there it quickly dawned on me a few problems. First, the pay was not great, on paper it was the same wage as working in Production, but they don’t feed you a meal every day at six hours. You don’t work 12 hour days, you work, 5 hour days, and you don’t work 5 days a week, you work 3 days a week. Your paycheck blows horrendously. It’s not even worth getting out of bed for. The 5 other production assistants that worked there, all of them had been there for a year or longer and were still production assistants. Two of them got to do some form of producing of a weekend show or something on a very small scale. Which was exciting for them, but the schedule was too awkward and for the goals I was trying to achieve this wasn’t going to work. I had a hard time dealing with this though. I truly felt God had put me in this spot and what would I be doing if I took the open door God gave me and then immediately walked back out of it. Even to this day I still have a hard time grasping what I was doing there. I knew I was in for it when I started driving to work early and spending 15 minutes in my car everyday journaling before even going in to work. Honestly the highlight of my day was listening to a “Truth for Life’ podcast on my way to work and writing in my journal. And the conversation everyday was the same “God, am I really supposed to be here? What am I doing? This doesn’t feel right. Should I quit or stay? Help me!!!!”
There was however, one person at work who I am super glad I met. Two actually. The first one was Dawn. She worked the cameras and had the coolest job. She also probably worked there for like the last 30 years or something and she was pretty good at her job. I loved watching her frame the shots and talk about the good ol’ days. She was always a good listener and she was a total free spirit. We had some some talks about God, she wasn’t a believer per say, but she was definitely into it and enjoyed asking hard questions. The cool part was we would have these conversations in from of some of my co-workers and a few of them were listening. I always love a chance to talk about it and have challenging questions posed to me. I don’t always have the answers, but it’s good to have people question your faith sometimes. It forces you to deal with it a little bit. Anyway, the best part about Dawn was that I could tell her my passion for shooting video, I’d show her some of the work I was doing, and she was very enthusiastic about my ability to do good work. Often times she was like, “man you should be out there pursuing your dreams, this is a good gig for me, but you’ve got a lot of potential and you’re gonna go far, but not here.” She understood where I was coming from, and honestly was one of the reasons I was able to work up the courage to even quit in the first place. She believed in me and my abilities, and I’m grateful for that.
So around the four month mark, I’m not sure why, but I finally decided to write up a two week notice and just turn it in. I can’t think of a more recent time that my heart was racing or beating so hard. At some point, I came in to work on one of the weekend shows. I had been there for four months, but they put me on an evening show and they had to put me on with a trainer because this was my first time on this evening shift. Something inside me clicked and I thought to myself “This is dumb, I can do this, but I really just don’t want to” and in between shows I started drafting up my two week notice. I wasn’t planning to turn it in right away. I decided to sit on it for a minute so I could really make sure I wasn’t stepping on God’s toes, but the next day I went in to work and I handed it right to my boss. I thanked him for the opportunity and just said that I wanted to go back to pursuing the freelance sector. At the time….very scary decision. Looking back….one of my best decisions.
I don’t know exactly why I was there. I don’t think it was in vain or pointless. But I do think God used it as an opportunity to show me what I don’t want to do. One thing I learned is that I am not cut out for a 9-5 job. I kind of knew that already, but that really helped solidify my understanding. Also I realized really hate beige carpeting and cubicles. And that is pretty much what every day looked like to me. It was horrendous.
This seems like a goo place to park my blog. The best part is my trepidation of being unemployed didn’t last for long. So I will pick up there for the next blog.